Sermon, March 20, 2011

Single Parenting and Extended Families: Sermon Series on Children

Scripture: Psalm 121, Genesis 21:10 – 20,

Esther 2:5-7 (Adopted by Mordecai) and

2 Timothy 1:1-7(Faith from mother and grandmother)

Preached by Linda Jo Peters ~ March 20, 2011

Introduction to Scripture:
Psalm 121
We are on a journey through Lent to Easter. This psalm was on of the road songs of the pilgrims sang on their way to Jerusalem. Jesus and his disciples may have sung this song once he turned his face to Jerusalem. It recalls for all pilgrims that it is God’s strength that will provide when all else seems lost.
1I lift up my eyes to the hills— from where will my help come?
2My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
3He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
4He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
6The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
7The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
8The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time on and forevermore.

Here is a selection of three Biblical families. The first is a broken one that still brought forth the promises of God, the second affirms that even in a foreign land God protects the widows and orphans and finally a reminder of how important our witness is for our children and grandchildren.

Genesis 21:10-20
10So she said to Abraham, “Cast out this slave woman with her son; for the son of this slave woman shall not inherit along with my son Isaac.” 11The matter was very distressing to Abraham on account of his son. 12But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the boy and because of your slave woman; whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for it is through Isaac that offspring shall be named for you. 13As for the son of the slave woman, I will make a nation of him also, because he is your offspring.”
14So Abraham rose early in the morning, and took bread and a skin of water, and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, along with the child, and sent her away. And she departed, and wandered about in the wilderness of Beer-sheba. 15When the water in the skin was gone, she cast the child under one of the bushes. 16Then she went and sat down opposite him a good way off, about the distance of a bowshot; for she said, “Do not let me look on the death of the child.” And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. 17And God heard the voice of the boy; and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, and said to her, “What troubles you, Hagar? Do not be afraid; for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. 18Come, lift up the boy and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make a great nation of him.” 19Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. She went, and filled the skin with water, and gave the boy a drink. 20God was with the boy, and he grew up; he lived in the wilderness, and became an expert with the bow.

Esther 2:5-7
5Now there was a Jew in the citadel of Susa whose name was Mordecai son of Jair, son of Shimei, son of Kish, a Benjaminite. 6Kish had been carried away from Jerusalem among the captives carried away with King Jeconiah of Judah, whom King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon had carried away. 7Mordecai had brought up Hadassah, that is Esther, his cousin, for she had neither father nor mother; the girl was fair and beautiful, and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai adopted her as his own daughter.

2 Timothy 1:1-7
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, for the sake of the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus, 2To Timothy, my beloved child: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. 3I am grateful to God—whom I worship with a clear conscience, as my ancestors did—when I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. 4Recalling your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy. 5I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you.
6For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; 7for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.

Sermon
Ishmael means “God hears.” Ishmael, the heir of Islam, cousin to Jews and Christians, all who trace their spiritual ancestry to Abraham, bears a name that signals a promise to every human being. God is not deaf, dumb or blind nor implacable, impersonal, or impassible, without feeling or emotion. Dan Clendenin puts it, “God is not an absentee landlord deity.” No, we believe that God sees every human misery, and hears every painful sob. As the Hebrews learned after four centuries of slavery and exploitation in Egypt, "God heard their groaning" (Exodus 2:24), the same is true for us today: Ishmael, God hears.

God hears the single mother at the end of her rope, the father who loses custody of his children in a bitter divorce, and the grandparents who feel helpless in the face of the death of a child they love. God hears the cries of the abandoned and abused. Hagar comes to represent many people who are cast out from family, home or country: a runaway child from abuse, a refugee, the abused wife, the homeless. The list of those represented by the figure of Hagar is very long. As children of God we need to listen, to hear as God hears to the cries of the Hagars of our day.

Last week I told you about Professors Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein who wrote Raising Resilient Children. I think we can learn from their recommendation that we meet “life’s challenges with thoughtfulness, confidence, purpose and empathy.” These are tools for listening to Hagar.

Thoughtfulness: As a spontaneous person, I know both the joy and the pain of acting without thinking things through. Teaching children to think through consequences is something everyone can do. Single parents and extended family this is simple. I know single parents that work two jobs and come home and have no more energy to even make sense of their fourth grader’s homework let alone help their teenager with calculus. But even that over worked parent can help raise a resilient child by watching of all things TV with her/his children. When there is a problem presented on TV whether it is trying to catch a criminal or trying to catch a pass, ask them what other choices the people in the story or on the team could have done. Remember there are no wrong ideas. Encourage them to extrapolate and think outside the box of your expectations, because they know them. Your job to at this point is not to tell them what you think is right, but to develop their skills at making thoughtful choices. You make choices every day, when was the last time you asked your child or grandchild to help you make a choice?

I have a feeling that Timothy’s mother and grandmother, Eunice and Lois let him see the choices they made as they grew in faith with Jesus Christ. Not telling him what to believe, but living their faith for him to see. Thoughtful Christians are some of the best witnesses for our faith.

Confidence: A resilient child builds confidence by how he or she handles mistakes and setbacks. Brooks and Goldstein tell of a child who had numerous surgeries before he was five. Even though he was now a healthy nine year old, he had come to see his body as defective. He came into therapy angry and sad and demanded to know why they were trying to help him. They asked him, “Why wouldn’t we want to help?” His response was profound, “I was born to quit and God made me that way.” Contrast this self doubt with Hall-of-Fame baseball player, Willie Stargell who was asked what baseball had taught him:

As much as I was known for my homers; I also known for my strikeouts. The strikeout is the ultimate failure. I struck out 1,936 times. But I’m proud of my strikeouts, for I feel that to succeed, one must first fail; the more you fail, the more you learn about succeeding… My success is the product of the knowledge extracted from my failures.

Eventually the boy that Brooks and Goldstein worked with came to value what he was good at and built is confidence in areas he had felt a failure.

The orphan, Esther, that Mordecai adopted seem to have it all: beauty, intelligence and power. But she felt she could do nothing to protect her people when the time of testing came upon her.
Mordecai told …Esther, “Do not think that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. 14For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this.”
Then Esther said in reply to Mordecai, 16“Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will also fast as you do. After that I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish.” (Esther 4:14-16) Esther was successful in saving her people and became a great queen. But she had to risk failure to find her confidence to face any challenge, even death.

Purpose: Several years we began considering ways to grow our congregation and better serve God. We reviewed a resource called “Natural Church Development that help us focus on our weakest aspect and strengthen it. Our first area was holistic small group development. So we began small groups with a church wide study of the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, which sees that we have five purposes: formed for God’s family, created to become Christ like, shaped for serving God, made for a mission, and planned for God’s pleasure. Our purpose is more succinctly put in our Book of Confessions in the “Westminster Shorter Catechism” that has as its first question: “What is the chief end of humanity?” The answer is “to glorify and enjoy God forever. (7.001) If that isn’t a purpose to make you stand proud. This is your purpose whether you are 8 or 80, wealthy or poor, have a job or still searching, fast or slow, short or talk you have a divine purpose that transcends your life into eternity. Every child that is going to grow up resilient needs to know they have a purpose and they are valued by their Creator. Every parent and family member struggling to raise a child needs to know they too are valued and loved by their Creator.

Empathy: Credited to Native American wisdom is the saying “Don’t criticize another until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.” This is empathy, to understand from where someone is coming. Brooks and Goldstein write that, “Empathy has nothing to do with giving into children, spoiling them or refrain from setting appropriate limits.” In fact (they see) children learn better and accept limits more readily when their caregiver practices empathy by trying to understand their point of view. Abraham is empathic with Hagar, but still sends her away. Mordecai is empathic with Esther’s risks, but still demands righteous behavior from her. Paul loves Timothy as a father, but still exhorts him not to give up but claim a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.

So single parents and extended family alike need to practice: thoughtful behavior, build confidence in their children, claim their life giving purpose and be empathic with everyone. Remember the children are watching and they will learn how handle to life’s challenges from watching you. May God give you thoughtfulness, confidence, purpose and empathy. Amen.


Resources:
The Journey with Jesus: Notes to Myself Reflections By Dan Clendenin, Essay posted 13 June 2005, “Ishmael: God Hears and Sees”

Pentecost 6, Commentary, Background, Insights from Literary Structure, Theological Message, Ways to Present the Text. Anna Grant-Henderson, Uniting Church in Australia., June 22, 2008.
Professors Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein who wrote Raising Resilient Children, Contemporary Books, Chicago, Illinois, 2001. (Quoting Stargell 1983, II) see page 170.

Sermon March 13, 2011

Parenting with Christ

March 13, 2011 – 1st Sunday in Lent – Unity’s 11th Anniversary.

Beginning sermon series on children preached by Linda Jo Peters

Scripture: Psalm 32 and Matthew 19:13-15

INTRODUCTION TO SCRIPTURE
Cameron Howard reminds us that Lent is a season of repentance, discipline, and preparation, so it brings to mind themes of sin, confession, and redemption. Reflecting on Psalm 32 is particularly appropriate for this first week of Lent, as this text provides instruction on the means and results of confession. The psalmist testifies to the relief, both physical and spiritual, that came to him when he confessed his sin to the Lord, and the Lord forgave him.

1Blessed are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
2Blessed are those to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
3While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah
5Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah
6Therefore let all who are faithful offer prayer to you; at a time of distress, the rush of mighty waters shall not reach them.
7You are my hiding place; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with glad cries of deliverance. Selah
8I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
9Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding, whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will not stay near you.
10Many are the torments of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the Lord.
11Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

Matthew 19:13-15
In the midst of a series of trick questions about marriage and just before being asked about what act would give eternal life, we have this little vignette about parents bringing their children (infants) to Jesus to bless. We all want to see children protected. The parents of these children had heard and maybe even seen the amazing things Jesus had done for others, why not for their children. This scripture is the over arching passage for our Lenten reflections on children and how we as a community of faith provide for them.

13Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them; 14but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.” 15And he laid his hands on them and went on his way.

SERMON
When we baptize a baby the congregation promises to guide and nurture the child to come to know Christ. I hope this sermon series will help us consider how we fulfill this promise.

I found two resources that I thought would be helpful. One was written by Richard Bromfield a psychologist on the faculty of Harvard. His book was in response to 9/11. It is called Living with the Boogeyman Helping Your Child Cope with Fear, Terrorism and Living in a World of Uncertainty. Bromfield points out the value of talking with our children, not at them. Really listening to what they have to say. One parent told me her time driving her son to and from school is a priceless opportunity to prepare for the day ahead or debrief from the day he had. The other book is written by Professors Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein who wrote Raising Resilient Children. They write that their guiding principal with all interactions with children (I would add everyone) is to meet life’s challenges with thoughtfulness, confidence, purpose and empathy. We as a congregation have an opportunity to reflect on how we guide and nurture not only children but also the primary caregivers for children.

One resource I found was our own Judy Brett who has been a family councilor for a number of years. I particularly liked a tool she uses to help parents evaluate their behavior. She has a chart with the words, “Kind” and “Firm” written the same size in the middle of the page and on each side either Kind takes up most of the page or Firm does. Have you ever noticed that one parent is kinder or more firm than the other parent? One of the parents may actually be driven by the behavior of the other to generate a more balanced parenting model. We do this in many areas of our lives. If you have a partner at work who lets people walk all over him or her, you may find yourself being more firm, even bossy, to compensate. These are often actions taken with little introspection. Judy helps her clients do that reflection of their own behavior before they can help their children change theirs. She also wisely said all parenting must be balanced under the umbrella of respect.

All these streams have been in my consciousness as we began Lent on Wednesday and our devotional resource, “We Are All God’s Children” which begins with the reflection on the over 2 million children being raised by their grandparents. Whoever is parenting a child, they are the first line of defense for that child. They need every support and tool to face the challenges of parenting. Like my research they can be overwhelmed with information and suggestions. Parenting is sometimes like being in a whirlwind of choices. They wonder, “Will the firm choices I make teach my children the right choices to make in the future or will I scar them psychologically for life? Will my kindness bless them with a gentle and loving spirit or make them unable to handle conflict.” I look at parents today in the midst of this whirlwind and I just want them to have the peace that they are doing the best that they can and that God’s grace is sufficient. I pray they find a loving relationship with Jesus Christ, who will calm the storm and wrap loving arms around them. These parents need our prayers, resources, small groups to grow their faith. They need to know that Jesus belongs to every part of their life. His disciples thought he was too busy or important to be bothered with babies, but Jesus stops them and offers his wisdom that, “It is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.” This must have turned their world upside down. They were vying for who would sit on his right hand or left when we came into his kingdom. Where did children and youth belong is that scenario? Do we in the church today, sometimes do the same, when our children and youth are seen as obligations, not contributing members of the family of God? Their ideas and relationships can rub against our most precious traditions.

All this was going on in my brain and heart when I turned on the news Friday and was horrified by the devastation in Japan. I prayed for all the people but especially I prayed for the children buried under rubble or washed away from their homes. Those who survived may never find lost family and friends. I pray that every survivor knows the comfort of care and love. That God sends the angels of mercy into their fear and despair. This is what I hope we are for families everywhere – Angels of Mercy who: listen, comfort, pray with and for them, see they have the resources they need of food, shelter and health care for their children. But most of all a community of disciples that say to them bring your child here; here they are welcome and wanted. Here among us they will come to know Jesus and along with us they will know we are all God’s children. Amen.

Resources:

Cameron Howard, Visiting Assistant Professor of Old Testament School of Theology at Sewanee, the University of the South Sewanee, TN

Richard Bromfield, Ph.D., Living with the Boogeyman: Helping Your Child cope with Fear, Terrorism, and Living in a World of Uncertainty, Prima Publishing, Roseville, California, 2002.  Robert Brooks, Ph.D and Sam Goldstein, Ph.D, Raising Resilient Children, Contemporary Books, Chicago, Illinois, 2001.

The Reverend Dawn Curlee Carlson, pastor of First Congregational Church, Terre Haute, Indiana,  We Are All God's Children: 40 Days of Prayer for Children, 2006 (updated 2010)

Homily - March 6, 2011

Mountain Top Views While Living in the Valley

Matthew 17: 1-9 – Transfiguration of the Lord Sunday

With Celebration of Our Lord’s Supper

Preached by Linda Jo Peters ~ March 6, 2011

INTRODUCTION TO SCRIPTURE
Matthew 17: 1-9
Who is Jesus? For a brief mountain retreat, three of his disciples see who he really is and still don’t get it. This man who is God, is more than most disciples can ever take in and understand.
Jerry Gobel writes about this passage that:
"Our Lord left behind his comforting relationships, his glory, and his celestial throne in order to enter into our sin and set us free. He took on our carcass, lived under our laws, and died under our tyranny. He did all that so that we could know God’s reality. "

Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and his brother John and led them up a high mountain, by themselves. 2And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became dazzling white. 3Suddenly there appeared to them Moses and Elijah, talking with him. 4Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here; if you wish, I will make three dwellings here, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” 5While he was still speaking, suddenly a bright cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud a voice said, “This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased; listen to him!” 6When the disciples heard this, they fell to the ground and were overcome by fear. 7But Jesus came and touched them, saying, “Get up and do not be afraid.” 8And when they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus himself alone. 9As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus ordered them, “Tell no one about the vision until after the Son of Man has been raised from the dead.”

SERMON
When you have a problem that is just eating away at you, which is the best help: Someone telling you what to do or someone showing you what to do? Showing is the best help, because it gives us perspective. It is why we need maps and GPS tools to find our way through unfamiliar areas. Jesus is giving these three disciples perspective on who he is from a mountain top retreat. We know from the Old Testament that encounters with God often happen on a mountain top. Noah’s ark finds the first dry land after the flood on a mountain top. Abraham pitches his tent on a mountain east of Bethel right after answering God’s call. He also attempts to sacrifice Isaac on a mountain. Moses is given his call out of a burning bush on a mountain, later he is given the law on Mt. Sinai and just before Moses dies he sees the promised land from a mountain top. Or, think about Mt. Carmel, which is composed of several peaks. It was there that Elijah challenged the false prophets of Baal. Later it was a still small voice on a mountain in which Elijah heard God voice.

Peter’s comment about building booths for Moses, Elijah and Jesus may come from his desire to stay on the mountain top in awe and worship. Who wouldn’t want to preserve that time of exhortation and wonder.

I had a mountain top experience this week at the first NEXT Leadership Conference held at 2nd Presbyterian Church in Indianapolis. There were great speakers, wonderful worship with 350 full throated singing sustained by a four manual pipe organ. There were times when the music literally vibrated in my body. There is a huge rose window over the organ and art throughout the building. There were prayers that brought me to tears and the vision of 70 seminary students sharing their passion for our church was all wondrous and gave me perspective and joy about the future of our church.

But we live in the valley. Where there are phone calls to answer, sermons to write, a grieving family to comfort and Presbytery meetings. We all need mountain top experiences that give us a new perspective and re-energize us to serve. But every single Sunday gives us an opportunity to see God’s grace and amazing love. To lift us to the mountain top so we can live and serve the Lord everyday in the valley. Today we are especially blessed as we taste and see how good Christ is in the sharing of the bread and the cup.

After their amazing experience, Jesus says to his disciples, “Get up and do not be afraid.” Every Sunday, we have a change to see Jesus transformed in all his glory and then he sends us back into the world to serve in the valley unafraid. Amen.

Resources:
Jerry Goebel: 2005 © http://onefamilyoutreach.com/.